WHIBSIB Jealously...........

I belong to the Lone Star State Knitters Group. It is a really fun group that shares patterns and life in Texas. All you have to do to join is to live in Texas while a member. They are the nicest, kindest group of ladies with hearts as big as Texas. It doesn't take long to feel like you are part of a big caring family. Groups meet in the various towns once a week to knit and bitch! Each new baby, child or grandchild of a member, gets squares knitted by any member who wants and can then make a LSSK's baby blanket (patterns in group files). There are all kinds of contests with 'knitty' prizes, you can knit preemie items and send them to Jennifer who forwards them to our chosen hospital..........the list just goes on and on. Posts are sooooooooo entertaining!

Only one problem.....well, for me anyway. This weekend the group is having their WHIBSIB Knitting Sleepover.............I'm going to be sneaky and say if you want to know what WHIBSIB means you have to join the group!!!!! hehe............
I want sooo much to go. And I can't....yet.... It isn't the money.

(dragging out my soap-box and swallowing my pride)........................

It is just really hard for me to do things outside of my home because of post traumatic stress disorder, double depressive disorder and anxiety disorder. I'm a lot better than I was 15 yrs ago and have learned so many tools to use from the greatest therapist in the world, Johnnie Bonner (who is now retired from the Dallas VA Medical Center). She was the first person EVER to be able to really reach me and make a difference in my life. The only answer I have ever been able to come up with for why it worked was that she was willing to let me see that she really cared about me. If you've ever talked to someone, friend or therapist, and felt they were listening but they was 'holding back' for whatever reason (not understanding, professional style, etc..), then you will understand what I mean. She wasn't afraid to 'feel' what I was telling her and really shocked me every time what I was saying made her cry. It is still hard to believe anyone would really 'care' like that for me...little 'ole me! For years after I divorced and the girls were grown (actually it started when my youngest was a junior in high school, so sorry Sunshine), I spent most of my time laying in bed being depressed and crying on and off. In 1993, the day came when I needed to go get the groceries and I couldn't leave the house.

I don't have group or individual therapy anymore and can pretty much live my life but it is still hard to take that step and leave the house. Most things will eventually get done, whatever it is that needs me to leave, just might take a few hours or days to get going, lol.

Knitting has been a life saver for me. I have been knitting hats for preemies for several years, knitting for Dulaan until it stopped a few years ago, and knitted warm hats for the homeless in Dallas that I would see on the bus or trains. (I don't drive anymore.) That is my contribution to the world. That and connecting with children I see who seem to have an abusive parent (I try and catch their eye, smile and wink to try and get them to smile since that always made me feel 'connected' when I was a child and like someone, somehow knew what I was going through. Got me through some hard years so I try and 'pay it forward' and would encourage YOU to try it also. Even a young child can be suicidal......did you know that......and that smile maybe the one thing that keeps them here.)

OK.....getting down off my soap-box now.

Where was I......oh, yes. Maybe all that helps you understand why I am so jealous of my friends getting together this weekend and I just can't do it yet..........BUT I WILL.

Just you wait and see! I was able to finally stop smoking March 27 this year!!! Almost a month now...hum, wonder if there is a counter out in internet land that would count how many days it is and post to my right column. If you know, leave a comment. That would sure be encouraging.

laters,
Barb